Hello friends,
This week before the holidays, we celebrated Laura’s 5th birthday. It wasn’t a usual celebration considering Peter’s condition and the need to keep the house calm for his rest. However, I think the birthday girl still enjoyed herself.
One fact has deeply saddened me – I discovered that Peter has lost his sight. For some time, I had noticed that Peter’s gaze seemed emptier and he didn’t react to objects and people around him. He didn’t turn his head towards them, and his pupils didn’t move towards changes in his surroundings. I did a test and watched his reactions. I realized he really couldn’t see, which he confirmed with a nod.
I still can’t come to terms with it. On Laura’s birthday, I cried a lot because Peter couldn’t see how beautiful she was. First, he lost his speech and can’t tell us how he feels or what he’s experiencing. Then, he lost his physical ability to embrace us, and now he can’t even see us. It’s hard for me because this indicates that the tumor has progressed and is affecting his optic nerves.
In such moments, it’s hard for me to believe that his condition can still be reversed. But then I motivate myself by remembering various stories I’ve heard about people with only a few days to live who recovered and went on to live their lives. I look into Peter’s eyes and say, “Please convince your body that it can heal itself. I am here fully armed for you, to provide support, comfort, and everything you need to heal. Just please, get better!” Not long ago, he could still nod as a sign that he was willing to fight. Yesterday was a tougher day when he didn’t communicate with his body at all. Today, I saw a smile on his lips and more calmness.
In the coming days, we will meet with a few caregivers I have contacted. Keep your fingers crossed that we find someone who can help us and who fits well with us as a person. Grandma (Peter’s mother), who is now living with us and helping us immensely, also needs a break and to regain her strength.
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